Lighter Fare  1-25-12

Serving, separated, Sanctified. for Jesus' sake!

Some Thoughts I Collected During My Summer Stay in the Hospital.

Nurse Square Pants, was Attila the Hun really your first husband?

I may have been the first person to be incarcerated in a hospital who went in with thirty years of life in the bank and ten million worth of kind spirit aboard the love boat and came out bankrupt, almost dead, and divers looking for the cruise ship.

I am beginning to think that the serpent being the symbol of the doctoral oath of practice is by no means an accident.

The biggest big business in America is not steel, automobiles, or televisions; it is the manufacture refinement and distribution of anxiety. ---Sevareid [Tell me about it -- been to Columbus hospitals lately?]

"If you have men who will only come if they know there is a good road, I don't want them. I want men who will come if there is no road at all." --- David Livingstone

They handed me a list of symptoms, conditions, and treatments and told me to mark the ones I could afford.

I don't mind paying 900 dollars for an ambulance ride to the hospital, but do they really need to stop for breakfast and a haircut?

Lord, have mercy on these unbelieving scoundrels who say “Lord, Lord,” and are talking to themselves. Hold it not to their charge. Sincerely, in Jesus’ matchless name, Amen.

What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn’t much different than tedious disease. ---Pope

Health is just the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

I used to eat natural foods until I learned that people die of natural causes.

I refused an autopsy.

I didn't worry about my health as long as they just came into my room and put on the usual rubber gloves; but it got worrisome when they also began taking showers, wearing gas masks, and building a decontamination station in the doorway (not to mention the hearse driver who kept looking in every fifteen minutes).

Sign on my bulletin board: Dangerous personality disorders -- Free Samples.

They offered me financial assistance since I was so weak. I elected to direct deposit into the doctor's bank account, and the nurse's, and the aid's, and the ...

They called her the "goatherder." I didn't know why they called her that until I realized that she was over all the other nurses.

There was a tremendous quaking of the building and we thought it was an earthquake. Someone quickly called all the nurses back from their aerobic dancing.

I stood my ground and told them that I had no previous record of suicide.

When I was discharged, they brought me back because I was alive without permission.

If you don't believe in the resurrection of the dead, be here when the shift ends.

My worst nightmare was that nurse Kapittle and I would somehow be bonded in holy healthimony 'til death did us part.